Dear My Horoscope

I give up, horoscope. I really wanted to stick it out. See what happened. But I am not that strong. I give up.

I am not "mild mannered." I am angry and sad and lonely and frustrated and manic and irritated and a whole host of other shadowy emotions but I am certainly not mild-mannered.

Gah.

What the Hell

I don't want this to become the blog where I complain about cookies, but I just opened another pack of Nutter Butters and found another one put together wrong.

What the Hell! This kind of shit never happened when Bush was President.

A True Event!

Today I bought a bag of Nutter Butters.

This was an event. It was not the titular event. That would be a pretty shitty event.

But then I opened the bag of Nutter Butters. And as I was eating them, the delicious peanut butter thingies, I discovered something. Someone stacked the cookies wrong around the delicious filling. Now. I'm not a picky man (this is called a lie, but it is necessary for narrative convention and the natural flow of the paragraph). One or two incorrect Nutters, I can understand. But every single goddamn one of these quarter-shaped things was effed up the ay.

Either the robotic arms that have replaced Traditional Old-Fashioned Cookie Assembling in our National Snack Factories need serious recalibrating, or the tiny little fingers of the child slaves who put these things together in a peanut-filled shack in Tijuana need someone to wipe their eyes, because they can't see through the tears of broken dreams and cookie dust and either way it's fucking up my snack.

And that's not what America means to me.

Explanation; also the rapture

I wrote the first, what, paragraph of a post, but it wasn't funny so I deleted it. Today's mood =/= funny.

To make up for it, here's the web page the post was going to be about. Keep a close eye on it -- apparently we've reached "fasten your seat belt" status

Daily Horoscope

"You seem to be a specialist at relationships, and you're very sensitive to the ups and downs in your own. But today you may wonder if people love you less than they did before. This is rather an odd question, but another one may be hiding underneath. Do you really have to make such a big effort in order to be loved? Only you can answer that question."

Right where I live, horoscope.

You didn't sign up for this, feel free to leave.

Did you ever wake up in the morning and wonder if you've made all the wrong decisions? You realize that nothing actually happens the way you want it to, and things you're sure will happen don't, and nothing really makes sense, and all of a sudden it hits you, you haven't been happy in a while and you're pretty sure it's gonna be a while before you are again.


I don't know. Just a thought.

Daily Horoscope

"You're the secret jewel, Libra. You're apt to be extremely loving and devoted to those who recognize this in you. There is no reason to shrink back and hide. Put on your royal air and flaunt your stuff. Your peaceful, charming nature shines through, and you radiate the god-like qualities you have within. Whoever shares your company tonight is extremely lucky. Make sure this person is worthy of you."

Oh, horoscope.

You have no idea what you've just done.