Sunday, May 1, 2011
You tell me
So bin Laden is (maybe) dead. I guess that means all the terrorism will stop forever now, right?
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Drunk
I've never felt like anything other than anyone's second choice. Maybe not your last choice, but if the person you really wanted wasn't available, oh hell, Tyler'll do. Girls don't really want relationships with me (unless they've exhausted everyone else in their hometown as possibilities), I'm not anyone's best friend, and when girls do want to be with me it's really just a practice one for the next guy, or as a guinea pig to see if they want a boy at all.
And then I get to see how happy everyone else is without me. And no one cares.
And then I get to see how happy everyone else is without me. And no one cares.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Dear Diary
Since no one reads this, this can be the place I write down the things that I want to write down, but I don't want my Facebook friends or twitter followers to see.
Right now I've got this feeling coursing through my entire body, this angry self-loathing that's making me shake and keeping me from concentrating more than a couple seconds at a time. And it's not just self-loathing, it's everything-loathing. Right now, if I could, I'd blow up the world. But it'll pass. And then something worse will happen.
I'll get cold. It's hard to be angry when you're cold. I get sad, instead. And tired. All the good anger-energy disappears.
I bring this shit on myself, though. You get what you ask for. I should just stop. I mean, when a friend tells you straight to your face they'd rather you fake being happy than help you with your problem, it makes you wonder what the point is.
Right now I've got this feeling coursing through my entire body, this angry self-loathing that's making me shake and keeping me from concentrating more than a couple seconds at a time. And it's not just self-loathing, it's everything-loathing. Right now, if I could, I'd blow up the world. But it'll pass. And then something worse will happen.
I'll get cold. It's hard to be angry when you're cold. I get sad, instead. And tired. All the good anger-energy disappears.
I bring this shit on myself, though. You get what you ask for. I should just stop. I mean, when a friend tells you straight to your face they'd rather you fake being happy than help you with your problem, it makes you wonder what the point is.
Monday, February 28, 2011
When I say I have psychic powers, just believe me.
I would trade being right all the time for being pleasantly surprised once.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Horoscope
The first sentence of my horoscope for today: "You may feel insecure about your appearance today, Libra."
Ha ha ha. Today?! I guess that's true because Today is a Day That I Am Alive, and so it's technically correct, but so is "If tomorrow happens, the world didn't end while you were asleep." You see?
I mean, God. The things I hear on a regular basis, from my friends: "The way you look is...different, but eye-catching." "I guess some people might be attracted to you, but I'm just not."
And so on.
Honestly, horoscope, betting that I'm going to feel insecure/unliked isn't exactly a dangerous proposition.
Ha ha ha. Today?! I guess that's true because Today is a Day That I Am Alive, and so it's technically correct, but so is "If tomorrow happens, the world didn't end while you were asleep." You see?
I mean, God. The things I hear on a regular basis, from my friends: "The way you look is...different, but eye-catching." "I guess some people might be attracted to you, but I'm just not."
And so on.
Honestly, horoscope, betting that I'm going to feel insecure/unliked isn't exactly a dangerous proposition.
Monday, February 14, 2011
A Very Special Valentine's Horoscope
"If you aren't currently romantically involved, Libra, today you might suddenly see an old friend or neighbor in a new light. This can be thrilling, but it might not be a good idea to do anything about it just yet. You're feeling especially sensual today, and therefore any attraction you feel could pass by tomorrow. If you're presently involved, schedule a romantic evening with your partner."
That's all well and good but a) I bet you say that to all the pretty boys and b) I hardly need an astrological reading to know I'm going to fall for one of my friends. That's what I do, darlin'.
That's all well and good but a) I bet you say that to all the pretty boys and b) I hardly need an astrological reading to know I'm going to fall for one of my friends. That's what I do, darlin'.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Tiresome Little Morons.
Original Article Here
Now I say mean things to a high school kid.
“It ranks at the top of highly debated issues including abortion and interracial relationships.”
Do people still debate interracial relationships? Like, as much as abortion? I dunno. I don’t live in 1960’s Mississippi, I didn’t think anyone else did either.
“many homosexual students have to suffer insults and jibes by ignorant teens.”
Remember this.
“When students walk through the halls of their schools, it is a common sight to see a boy and a girl being intimate.”
I know what s/he means, but this is such a bad sentence. Makes me think that in their high school you walk to bio and someone’s getting pounded doggy-style beside their locker.
“Maybe there just are not that many homosexual couples that are open about it. No, that isn’t it.”
Did this article get edited? Because answering your own question is a useful rhetorical device, but it’s predicated on there *actually being a question*.
“Some youth that we have grown up with have never truly accepted or welcomed the gay population.”
Also remember this.
“ Groups like the Gay-Straight Alliance here at East High try to make the relations between the hetero- and homosexual groups more conjoined as a student body.”
Kinky.
“It is an honorable attempt, though how effective it really is, is yet to be seen.”
If people at your school still get squicked out by the gayz, I think how effective it is is really plain to see. Also, that second comma is ridiculous. I know it looks weird when two identical words stand up right beside each other, like those creepy girls from The Shining. Embrace it. Don’t just stick a comma in there and ask it to deal with your problem.
“These relationships just are not normal.”
1. No. 2. You make English cry when you write sentences like that. Read that out loud. Doesn’t that sound weird? You can fix it! You have every letter of the alphabet and every punctuation mark right at your fingertips.
“One thing to notice is that there is legislation against homosexual marriage. However, there are no legislative restrictions to same sex dating.”
There used to be. They were called sodomy laws, and they were struck down for being, wait for it wait for it, unconstitutional.
“Dating does often lead to marriage, so same sex dating should be frowned upon.”
Your logic (such as it is) is flawed. Drinking often leads to vehicular manslaughter. Drinking isn’t frowned upon. Voting Republican often leads to being a fascist little shit. Voting Republican isn’t frowned upon.
Also, the number of people who date without getting married is only going up. Double also, the number of gay couples who don’t get married is *much higher* than the number who do. Why? Because, as you say in this exact same paragraph, there is legislation forbidding gay marriage.
DUN DUN DUNNNN!
“Some teens see it as abnormal, as well as the intimacy that comes with it. Some people believe that since the Bible verse Leviticus 18:22 said “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination,” they do not think it is proper for same sex relations.”
Quoth the Bible: “And the LORD spake unto Moses and to Aaron, saying unto them, Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, These are the beasts which ye shall eat among all the beasts that are on the earth. Whatsoever parteth the hoof, and is clovenfooted, and cheweth the cud, among the beasts, that shall ye eat. Nevertheless these shall ye not eat of them that chew the cud, or of them that divide the hoof: as the camel, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you. And the coney, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you. And the hare, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you. And the swine, though he divide the hoof, and be clovenfooted, yet he cheweth not the cud; he is unclean to you. Of their flesh shall ye not eat, and their carcase shall ye not touch; they are unclean to you.”
Ever have a hamburger, stupid high school newspaper writer?
“Also, less commonly cited, is the death penalty called for in another Bible verse, Leviticus 20:13, “If a man also lie with man, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.” These are the most common arguments against homosexual marriage and/or dating.”
1. Is it less common, or is it common? You may pick one. You cannot have it both ways, and also the faculty advisor for this ship of fools you call a paper needs to be fired. 2. Just watch this video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPUNooNrwLw
“It is a social disruption in many cases, and should be kept out of school to ensure our educational mission with as little of a distraction as possible.”
So, when you said “Some ignorant teens” you forgot to include “of which I am one.” People on the right always try to catch *good* people in the tolerance trap, “If you’re so tolerant why won't you tolerate my intolerance? Nyah nyah!” Shit like “Well, you just call everyone who opposes gay marriage a bigot!”
Yep. If you oppose equal rights (or equal dating, as the stupid case may be) for all couples, then you’re a bigot. Sorry, Intrepid Idiot High School Reporter, you’re an ignorant teen bigot who doesn’t know how to sentence.
Now I say mean things to a high school kid.
“It ranks at the top of highly debated issues including abortion and interracial relationships.”
Do people still debate interracial relationships? Like, as much as abortion? I dunno. I don’t live in 1960’s Mississippi, I didn’t think anyone else did either.
“many homosexual students have to suffer insults and jibes by ignorant teens.”
Remember this.
“When students walk through the halls of their schools, it is a common sight to see a boy and a girl being intimate.”
I know what s/he means, but this is such a bad sentence. Makes me think that in their high school you walk to bio and someone’s getting pounded doggy-style beside their locker.
“Maybe there just are not that many homosexual couples that are open about it. No, that isn’t it.”
Did this article get edited? Because answering your own question is a useful rhetorical device, but it’s predicated on there *actually being a question*.
“Some youth that we have grown up with have never truly accepted or welcomed the gay population.”
Also remember this.
“ Groups like the Gay-Straight Alliance here at East High try to make the relations between the hetero- and homosexual groups more conjoined as a student body.”
Kinky.
“It is an honorable attempt, though how effective it really is, is yet to be seen.”
If people at your school still get squicked out by the gayz, I think how effective it is is really plain to see. Also, that second comma is ridiculous. I know it looks weird when two identical words stand up right beside each other, like those creepy girls from The Shining. Embrace it. Don’t just stick a comma in there and ask it to deal with your problem.
“These relationships just are not normal.”
1. No. 2. You make English cry when you write sentences like that. Read that out loud. Doesn’t that sound weird? You can fix it! You have every letter of the alphabet and every punctuation mark right at your fingertips.
“One thing to notice is that there is legislation against homosexual marriage. However, there are no legislative restrictions to same sex dating.”
There used to be. They were called sodomy laws, and they were struck down for being, wait for it wait for it, unconstitutional.
“Dating does often lead to marriage, so same sex dating should be frowned upon.”
Your logic (such as it is) is flawed. Drinking often leads to vehicular manslaughter. Drinking isn’t frowned upon. Voting Republican often leads to being a fascist little shit. Voting Republican isn’t frowned upon.
Also, the number of people who date without getting married is only going up. Double also, the number of gay couples who don’t get married is *much higher* than the number who do. Why? Because, as you say in this exact same paragraph, there is legislation forbidding gay marriage.
DUN DUN DUNNNN!
“Some teens see it as abnormal, as well as the intimacy that comes with it. Some people believe that since the Bible verse Leviticus 18:22 said “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination,” they do not think it is proper for same sex relations.”
Quoth the Bible: “And the LORD spake unto Moses and to Aaron, saying unto them, Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, These are the beasts which ye shall eat among all the beasts that are on the earth. Whatsoever parteth the hoof, and is clovenfooted, and cheweth the cud, among the beasts, that shall ye eat. Nevertheless these shall ye not eat of them that chew the cud, or of them that divide the hoof: as the camel, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you. And the coney, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you. And the hare, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you. And the swine, though he divide the hoof, and be clovenfooted, yet he cheweth not the cud; he is unclean to you. Of their flesh shall ye not eat, and their carcase shall ye not touch; they are unclean to you.”
Ever have a hamburger, stupid high school newspaper writer?
“Also, less commonly cited, is the death penalty called for in another Bible verse, Leviticus 20:13, “If a man also lie with man, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.” These are the most common arguments against homosexual marriage and/or dating.”
1. Is it less common, or is it common? You may pick one. You cannot have it both ways, and also the faculty advisor for this ship of fools you call a paper needs to be fired. 2. Just watch this video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPUNooNrwLw
“It is a social disruption in many cases, and should be kept out of school to ensure our educational mission with as little of a distraction as possible.”
So, when you said “Some ignorant teens” you forgot to include “of which I am one.” People on the right always try to catch *good* people in the tolerance trap, “If you’re so tolerant why won't you tolerate my intolerance? Nyah nyah!” Shit like “Well, you just call everyone who opposes gay marriage a bigot!”
Yep. If you oppose equal rights (or equal dating, as the stupid case may be) for all couples, then you’re a bigot. Sorry, Intrepid Idiot High School Reporter, you’re an ignorant teen bigot who doesn’t know how to sentence.
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